lamentations

"what's the deal with my brain, why am i so obviously insane" - weezer (perfect situation)

i can't take too much of this... this whole msn web not working thing messes with my mind. i always worry that the IT powers-that-be worked their magic and disallowed msn web. though it's strange how every other site seems fine. but if every other site seems fine except msn web, that's even more worrying... afterall that's my outlet to the outside world. that's where i have lil catch up sessions in between work. (yes yes i do actually work)

i find myself waiting for some kind of email informing us that the internet connection is down...

nothing so far...

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while i'm at it, let me ramble on some more...

i still find it hard to write or talk. i mean i still write and am all my usual effervescence but i get this feeling that i write and say a lot without ever really saying or disclosing anything.

i have no idea how i managed that. i keep to my own counsel so much that i don't think anyone ever really knows what's going on in my head.

i think i think too much all the while not thinking that much. i probably take the cake in being contradictory. but sometimes i'm so remarkably indifferent, detatched and unbothered that it almost hides my tendency to get hurt.

but of 'coz i can't actually talk or write any of this out.

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a good friend of mine just called to let me know that things just ended with a prospective boyfriend. it was a combination of a few things but ultimately it didn't work out. and my friend is lamenting once again bout how she thinks she's cursed in love.

tell me again why us perfectly capable and independent women find ourselves discussing heavily bout failed relationships and failed almost relationships.

and who on earth ever said that dating was fun? it's sheer torture.

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finally msn web is up and running again... whew!